


The Ultimate Thief

by BarPurple



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crime, F/M, Magic, Thief!Belle, Thief!Rum, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-14 14:39:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9186649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BarPurple/pseuds/BarPurple
Summary: Rum Gold was a thief, not that he put that on his CV, that read Master Thief.





	

It was a bleak and rainy Thursday afternoon, even in his head sounded like the opening line of a bad pulp detective novel, fitting since that was probably what he would be reduced to reading at this rate. It had been weeks since his last escapade and nothing new had caught his interest yet. He drummed his fingers against the windowsill and considered his options, he could go to the pub, or to the cinema, or out for a bit of idle shoplifting. He blew out a heavy sigh, none of those sounded appealing, his bored eyes roamed around the room looking for inspiration. A grin twisted his lips as his eyes lit upon a junk mail flyer from the local bank. Yes, oh yes, that would kill the boredom nicely.

Rum Gold was a thief, not that he put that on his CV, his dark web profile read Master Thief and his fees reflected that. He might not be the best, but he was one of the very best. Underworld legend said that when Gold was a nipper someone tried to steal candy from him and was relieved of their wallet and watch for their trouble, it was bollocks of course but on such stories legends are formed. He had more than earned legend status; after almost five decades of thieving he still had a clean rap sheet, no arrests at all, not even a speeding ticket, (he had parking tickets but it would have looked suspicious if he hadn’t living in London and all). Rum Gold was bloody good at what he did.

So there may have been a touch of over-confidence in his spur of the moment Thursday afternoon plan. The local bank was famous in the underworld circles for one simple reason; it had never been successfully robbed. There’d been plenty attempts, but no one had ever cracked the vault. It wasn’t a modern high-tech job; it was a Victorian over-engineered monstrosity, impossible to force, or blow open. Just the sort of thing Gold had made his reputation cracking. The impenetrable nature of this particular vault was the reason that one of the underworld bigwigs had a safety deposit box stored within. The contents were rumoured to be anything from the Borgia Black Pearl to an old ciggy packet. Gold knew the real prize would be telling the bigwig what you’d stolen and being able to add twenty per cent to your fee from then on and the pride of being the ultimate thief. Not bad for a rainy Thursday, if he could pull it off.

He’d cased the joint before, even gone as far to open an account here so he, (aka Lee McAvoy) had good reason to wander in about lawful business, while clocking the codes for the doors that led to the interesting parts of the bank. The sharp threads helped, as did his greying hair and cane, nobody looked twice at a limping middle aged bloke in a suit stepping through a door marked Private in a bank. From there it was laughably simple to stroll casually down to the vault, carefully dipping his head to avoid the few CCTV cameras the place had. There were probably kiddies’ piggy banks with better security than this bank, it was ridiculous.

Gold wasn’t laughing when he reached the vault, this was business. He had less than twenty minutes before he had to get out. In theory he could crack this in sixteen and be out with breathing room, in theory.

Eleven minutes twenty seconds later the vault door opened. Gold slipped inside and stopped dead in his tracks.

“Who the fuck are you?”

The tiny chestnut hair woman turned round and gave him a sunny grin. He had time to note her impossibly blue eyes and very fetching penchant for leather.

“Catch!”

She tossed the empty safety deposit box at him and vanished with a loud pop. Gold blinked, she had literally poofed into thin air.

“Armed police! Hands above your head!”

Gold groaned and turned around slowly a wry smile on his face. At least he wasn’t bored anymore.

 

Being arrested was very boring; not the gut churning panic that he’d finally been caught, that was terrifyingly interesting, but the actual procedure of being processed was dull as dishwater. After an eternity Gold was locked in a tiny little cell, sans personal effects including his cane and shoelaces. He sat down on the bench-bed thing and stared at the back of the cell door. It was an uninspiring sight, which he rather supposed was the point. 

A loud pop startled him, but not half as much as suddenly finding himself with a lapful of leather clad bottom. His hands automatically grabbed at the thing, person, woman now in his lap. He puffed her hair out of his face as she twisted her head and treated him to a familiar sunny smile.

“Oh good, got the right cell this time. Hello.”

“Hi.”

An awkward silence dragged on for a few seconds.

“Erm, you can let go of me now.”

Rum shoved her out of his lap and got right to the stuttering.

“Who…how…why?”

“The Dark One. Magic. Because I want to offer you a deal.

She checked each answer off on her fingers, her smile only slipping from her face when she didn’t get a response. She gave a little put upon sigh as Rum blinked and gapped at her.

“Okay, let’s go a little bit slower. I am the Dark One.”

Rum snapped his mouth shut and slowly inhaled through his nose. 

“Doesn’t ring a bell.”

She darted forward, stopping an inch from his nose and hissed at him.

“Was that supposed to be funny?”

Rum’s shoulder blades tried to dig through the cell wall as he backed away from her. There was something very scary about this woman, apart from the popping out of thin air.

“No! No why would that be funny?”

She twirled away from him and waved her hand dismissively; “No matter. Where had we got to? Ah the how. Magic.”

A top hat appeared in her right hand; her left hand plunged into and pulled out a rabbit. A white rabbit wearing a waistcoat, holding a pocket watch. Rum carefully ran his hands through his head checking for bumps, he had to be concussed right? Hat and rabbit vanished and his mystery guest put her hands on her hips.

“You haven’t been hit on the head. Pay attention, we’re at the good bit. I am here to offer you a deal.”

Rum thought about his current situation. Against him was the fact he was in jail after being caught red-handed in a bank vault. Add to that the law now had his finger prints so there was the nasty probability of several dozen past crimes coming back to bite him on the arse. The only thing in in his favour was a very attractive, but possible hallucination offering him a deal. It was a no brainer really. He gave her a cocky smile.

“If you can get me out of here, dearie, I’ll do whatever you want.”

She clapped her hands together like an excited toddler and giggled.

“I love it when they say that!”

She lunged for his hands and dragged him to his feet.

“Hold tight! We’re breaking you out!”

 

An hour later a very confused policeman had to explain to the duty desk sergeant that Rum Gold’s cell was still locked, but empty. The shouting that caused was almost more than the paperwork.

**Author's Note:**

> based on this tumblr prompt 
> 
> A thief from an early age, Character A decides that the best thing they would possibly do on a Thursday afternoon is rob a nearby bank whose vaults famously hold millions upon millions. They successfully crack the vault only to find another person (Character B) already there holding the loot, followed by watching them smile and vanish into thin air with a loud ‘pop.’ Soon after, Character A is arrested, but Character B visits them in their jail cell with a loud pop and offers them a deal.


End file.
